The last few weeks, I’ve been feeling pretty stuck.
There’s so much uncertainty going on, isn’t there? Regardless of whether you’re a political creature or not (and I’m really not – I think all politicians are essentially the same, self-interested swamp creatures, regardless of how it may look from the outside), all this political uncertainty across the globe is still having a huge effect.
Here in Israel, where I live, we’re going into our third election in under a year. In the UK, where I’m from, they are going into their third election in around 2 years, and ‘Brexit’ is as uncertain as ever. I won’t list all the unrest that’s going on, but I’ve heard from people in such disparate places as France, Costa Rica and even Holland that the stress on the streets feels like it is ratcheting up all the time.
And it’s really hard to function in those circumstances.
We humans need a certain basic amount of stability in order to comfortably move forward. When we don’t have that, it causes us a considerable amount of anxiety – even if that’s only showing up a very low level. Like, finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning, even though there’s nothing particularly stressful happening in our private life.
Or, like walking around with a head full of brain fog and uncertainty, where it just seems very hard to decide anything, or keep your thoughts straight, or to find the motivation required to start something new, or even to complete simple tasks.
Does this sound familiar?
Today, I woke up again feeling strangely incapable of getting out of bed. There was nothing ‘stressful’ to do today, nothing I wasn’t looking forward to, no hard conversations to dread, no difficult relationships to have to deal with. Yet, it still took me 45 minutes before I found the gumption required to open my eyes.
So, I stayed in bed to do some talking to God about what’s going on at the moment, and the thought floated up that I really need to cut loose from some of that dead wood that’s been dragging me down for months.
For example, my main Google email got hacked 4 months ago, and I’ve been putting off changing all my logins to Linked In, and all the rest, since then.
Of course, that just means that it’s been hanging around in the back of my mind since then, taking up a lot of space and contributing to the ‘brain fog’.
So today, I knuckled down and went to change the logins. It took me all of 15 minutes.
Then, I decided to delete the email too, and it’s amazing how big a weight lifted off, mentally, from saying au revoir to 4,032 emails that I really am never going to read or need again, but which I felt strangely responsible for.
The next thing on the list – which has also been hanging around for well over a year – is to find someone to migrate this site from Weebly – where it’s currently at – to a better-designed site over on WordPress. Again, I’ve been procrastinating for ages and ages, worrying that I might be doing it wrong if I do it all.
But today, I realized wrong is at least moving me forward. It’s closing down another window of uncertainty, it’s leading me to the next stage of development. So I got on to Fiverr, and I hope to make some progress with that today, too.
Then, there were a few ‘relationship’ issues that needed taking care of, and which again I’ve been pushing off for ages. Why? Because I’ve been hedging my bets, and trying to keep everyone happy – except myself.
The truth is, there are a few acquaintances in my orbit right now who routinely bring me down, upset me and take my energy with all their whining, complaining and criticism. They don’t do it on purpose – a couple of them are actually pretty nice people – but today, I realized that keeping these broken relationships going isn’t doing anyone any favors, especially me.
What does that mean in practice?
I’m not sure. Maybe, just the mental decision to stop being so ‘available’ to their calls and emails, and to stop feeling so responsible for solving their problems – problems that are nothing to do with me, and often the result of them being totally in denial about certain key aspects of their own lives and personalities.
Of all the things that have been weighing me down recently, I think these broken relationships are probably the most significant.
What I learned today is that even if something isn’t actively causing me grief or upset, if it’s taking my energy away from being present, if it’s dragging me down instead of boosting me up, then I still need to address it, and minimize it’s negative impact on my mental state.
There’s enough madness and uncertainty going on all around at the moment.
Making sure that my inner world is as decluttered, and as uncomplicated, as I can reasonably make it is a key to coping with all the craziness, while still being able to move forward and get out of that ‘stuck’ place.
I’m so ready to try doing things differently, in a whole bunch of ways.
This morning I realized that jettisoning all this ‘dead wood’ that’s keeping me tied up, tired and confused is part of what I have to do, before that future ‘good’ can start to really show up.
So, if you’re currently feeling stuck, overwhelmed and confused, and you’re also ready for a change, you might want to join me.